I work out a lot. I love physical activity and being outdoors and active, or in the gym lifting weights or getting in a good cardio session.
I also love God. I love learning more about him, growing in faith and love, and trying to be like him.
I've always been aware that there are a lot of similarities between the physical and spiritual, but recently I just seem to be more aware and doing more comparisons. My physical life is becoming a source of better understanding for my spiritual life. Which is why I'm going to start a series of posts on the subject.
I read this in a fitness magazine the other day while I was on the stair machine: "Many people think we need to motivate ourselves before we take action, but the opposite is also true - by acting we can motivate ourselves," says Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. "If you can force yourself to just get up and start moving, within minutes it'll get easier and your attitude will change."
It struck me that these same sentences could be inserted into a spiritual formation book and be talking about the Christian life. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've read things very similar to them in various books.
If you read enough fitness magazines, articles, etc, everyone says that when you don't feel like working out, just say you'll go for 5 or 10 minutes. Put your clothes on, get out the door, and do the 5 or 10 minutes. The majority of the time, once you've started you'll gain motivation, start to enjoy it, and end up doing a longer workout. Generally I'm pretty motivated to work out (probably because I'm also very motivated to eat!), but some days it's just hard. "I should swim today...but I don't want to, I'm too tired. But I really should. Ok, 20 minutes. I'll just do a good 20 minute swim and then be done." I've done that with runs, weights, elliptical machines, bike rides, etc. Most of the time, those days when I'm most tired and least motivated are the days I end up not only completing the 20 minutes, but getting so into and enjoying the endorphins so much that I go 40, 45, 60 minutes...just never quite ready to stop. And of course, am SO glad that I chose to just do it.
Similarly, there are many weeks I don't feel like going out to participate in ministry on the streets of Hollywood. I feel tired, lazy, sleepy, unfocused, etc. But I go anyway, thinking maybe I can leave early, maybe I can just talk to the 'regulars' that won't take as much energy, etc. Ususally those are the nights that I end up in amazing conversations that require great energy, and it's always there. Sometimes I even end the night energized and excited. Once I'm there, I enjoy it. It's just getting there that's hard. Or days that I see a homeless person on the side of the freeway that I want to pass up...but decide to stop and talk to, or give water to or whatever I have. And once I do, the conversation is really not so hard; and I'm happy I stopped, knowing I chose God over me (although I wish I could say that happens more than it does).
On a broader scale, many Christians often wonder 'what's God's will for me? Where does he want me? What ministry should I be doing?' I know I wondered that for a while, waiting for something to stir my heart and lead me to something. I participated in some things at church and heard about ministries that excited me. But nothing ever quite clicked. I just waited. Then I went to New Orleans. Not necessarily out of desire, but more just the thought that I had to do something (related to a break-up, so not entirely selfless). And God moved me. He stirred something in me that didn't really come to fruition until I was back and working on our church newspaper that led me to a story about a ministry in Hollywood. Again, the Holy Spirit gripped my heart and I never looked back. That's where most of my life and passion is dedicated now.
God helped me, he nudged me in the right directions. So, not exactly huge leaps of faith. But neither of those came from a 'wow, I really want to do this, God told me to do this!' kind of passion and feeling. But after I made a choice about something, then God did big things. I went, then he changed me and gave me direction. I didn't wait for motivation to strike, but went, feeling a big, "bleh", and came back with clarity and drive, glad that I'd gone. Just like when I say, "ugh, I guess I'll go to the gym for like 20 minutes. But that's all, then I'm outta there" and then stay for an hour...."Ok, I'll go to New Orleans....I'll go write this story, but that's it, then I'm outta there."...and still haven't left.
Not that it has to be that big. I joined a Life Group at church knowing I should, not because I love big groups of people and going to bed late. Now I love my Life Group and the community that is growing there.
Sure, I still wonder what God's will for me is in ministry or life in general...but I'm learning more often than not, whether at the gym or in my spiritual life, when I just go and do what I know I should, it almost always turns out much better than I could have hoped and God blesses the act of faith.
Don't look before you leap. Just leap. Then look back to see how God miraculously saved you from falling.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Learning: 'to live for Christ and to die is gain'
A friend of mine recently commented, with tears in their eyes and look of exhaustion, "I just want to feel alive" after a discussion about recent difficulties happening in life and general frustrations. This person's feeling was that through the years, the only way of feeling alive was by doing things to emotionally or mentally 'hurt' themselves. Which clued me in to why so many people seem to do the same thing.
The following day I read this quote by Irenaeus "The glory of God is the human being fully alive. And the life of the human consists in beholding God."
I shared the quote with this person, intending to spur the questions of what it means to be fully alive, how we define it, and how God defines it. What is beholding God? Many things come to mind, his glory being the main one, with a million implications coming of that.
As I wrote emails back and forth to another friend today about life, things we were learning, ways we were growing, etc, I realized I felt alive. More than I have in a while, and not just because the sun was shining and it made me happy. Or because I'd had a great day, or been able to use my gifts at work. Or because of a great laugh with friends, or a deep conversation, or a great moment with God, or any of the typical things that make me feel alive and well.
I realized on a deeper level that what I had been pondering over the past two weeks, I had begun experiencing the fruit of: what it means to live for Christ and eternity. How I have not been fully satisfied unless I am seeking Him, speaking of Him, sharing him with someone who doesn't know Him, or spending my time well for His purposes. In a new way, my mind has been so wrapped up in God and been delighting more in Him despite the things around me. Things in a conversation that may have bothered me before, or a certain circumstance, did not bother me these past two weeks. My priorities shifted slightly, my outlook changed...because I was beholding God more than perhaps I ever have. My thoughts have been more consumed with him, his purposes my purposes, and my desires more aligned with His. I've often tried to get to this place, and prayed about it frequently. And now I'm getting to experience and taste some of that, and see how good it is.
I feel more alive, not because everything is perfect, or circumstances have improved, but because "to live is Christ" is starting to take on more meaning. And only through the power of the Holy Spirit...because the only thing I've changed is listening to sermons that have led me here. I cannot attribute any of this change to me, it is all God's work within my heart.
In beholding God, I've seen more of his goodness and found a passion to share it. I think it is in that, and in fulfilling what he made me to do (make his glory known), that I have come to experience more of 'the abundant life'.
I must acknowledge in this, however, that my life circumstances are good. I fear and pray about the fact that perhaps I feel some of this deeper joy because I'm not exactly being tested. I have a job, I feel secure, I have my health, good relationships, hope, and peace. I would be lying to say those things don't matter, that somewhere deep down I'm not relying on my good circumstances. I can't be sure, because I'm not really being tested by fire. But I hope in this time that it's preparing me for any future refining and that I will be able to echo Paul's feelings of knowing how to be content with all things or with nothing. That in living the 'good life' I would empty myself of all that is not of Him and give all of my blessings to be a blessing to others. And that in times of 'nothing' that I would cling to him to fill me up and carry me through with the same passion for sharing his glory with those who don't know.
Odd, how truly feeling alive means a disinterest in this life, a death to self and a state of discontentment with the status quo. How beholding God is seeing through the things around me and being uncomfortable with the comfortable me, and finding life in treasures not of this world.
The following day I read this quote by Irenaeus "The glory of God is the human being fully alive. And the life of the human consists in beholding God."
I shared the quote with this person, intending to spur the questions of what it means to be fully alive, how we define it, and how God defines it. What is beholding God? Many things come to mind, his glory being the main one, with a million implications coming of that.
As I wrote emails back and forth to another friend today about life, things we were learning, ways we were growing, etc, I realized I felt alive. More than I have in a while, and not just because the sun was shining and it made me happy. Or because I'd had a great day, or been able to use my gifts at work. Or because of a great laugh with friends, or a deep conversation, or a great moment with God, or any of the typical things that make me feel alive and well.
I realized on a deeper level that what I had been pondering over the past two weeks, I had begun experiencing the fruit of: what it means to live for Christ and eternity. How I have not been fully satisfied unless I am seeking Him, speaking of Him, sharing him with someone who doesn't know Him, or spending my time well for His purposes. In a new way, my mind has been so wrapped up in God and been delighting more in Him despite the things around me. Things in a conversation that may have bothered me before, or a certain circumstance, did not bother me these past two weeks. My priorities shifted slightly, my outlook changed...because I was beholding God more than perhaps I ever have. My thoughts have been more consumed with him, his purposes my purposes, and my desires more aligned with His. I've often tried to get to this place, and prayed about it frequently. And now I'm getting to experience and taste some of that, and see how good it is.
I feel more alive, not because everything is perfect, or circumstances have improved, but because "to live is Christ" is starting to take on more meaning. And only through the power of the Holy Spirit...because the only thing I've changed is listening to sermons that have led me here. I cannot attribute any of this change to me, it is all God's work within my heart.
In beholding God, I've seen more of his goodness and found a passion to share it. I think it is in that, and in fulfilling what he made me to do (make his glory known), that I have come to experience more of 'the abundant life'.
I must acknowledge in this, however, that my life circumstances are good. I fear and pray about the fact that perhaps I feel some of this deeper joy because I'm not exactly being tested. I have a job, I feel secure, I have my health, good relationships, hope, and peace. I would be lying to say those things don't matter, that somewhere deep down I'm not relying on my good circumstances. I can't be sure, because I'm not really being tested by fire. But I hope in this time that it's preparing me for any future refining and that I will be able to echo Paul's feelings of knowing how to be content with all things or with nothing. That in living the 'good life' I would empty myself of all that is not of Him and give all of my blessings to be a blessing to others. And that in times of 'nothing' that I would cling to him to fill me up and carry me through with the same passion for sharing his glory with those who don't know.
Odd, how truly feeling alive means a disinterest in this life, a death to self and a state of discontentment with the status quo. How beholding God is seeing through the things around me and being uncomfortable with the comfortable me, and finding life in treasures not of this world.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Running to Win
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?i=51424851&id=74283811
This sermon by Francis Chan is based on Philippians 3 & 4: "But I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us....There are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth. But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. "There's very little I can add to the message of this sermon, it wraps up all of the thoughts I could really say on the matter. But recently, I've been contemplating 2 verses, one where Paul talks about running the race to win the prize, and disciplining his body like an athlete. The other is "never grow weary of doing good". Both are about constantly working and striving to bring others to Christ, to discipline ourselves like athletes to be able to preach the gospel well and save the lost. I've had several moments of indecisiveness about situations where I could be selfish and do what I want, or do what would be best for someone else. "Never tire of doing good" goes through my mind, and my decision is made.
But this sermon on living for eternity and in light of heaven as our home just further revealed how far I have to go and how much I love this world and don't long for heaven the way I ought. I seek comfort and pleasure and living for myself at the same time I strive to serve Christ. And though I would not call myself an enemy of the cross (meaning Christians who claim Christ but live in a way that is only for themselves and this world), I realized that I honestly do have times that I act in a way that says I'm an enemy of the cross. When I choose to ignore someone in need; when I pass by my non-Christians neighbors and avoid a conversation to attend to "more important" things; when I spend my money on more clothes I don't need or nice things for myself when someone else could use it more; when I make my life about comfort and family and friend relationships and living a good life, serving when it's convenient. Those are times that I choose myself over Christ...when I live for this world and what we have here and forget that my citizenship is in heaven. I make choices day in and day out that show I value me and my life more than others. And sometimes, I am in tune enough with the Holy Spirit that I make the right choices. That others who don't know him or who need a helping hand in their faith become my priority. That I care more about their well being than my own. That's when I'm living in a way that shows I follow Jesus.
As Francis Chan says in this sermon, those are the ways we suffer here. We may not be persecuted for our faith, but when we have to give up comfort or our desires or our plans for the salvation of others and the following of Jesus, those are the ways in which we suffer. And what is that compared to eternity? You can barely call that suffering.
What is most frustrating to me is that when I think about wanting to live this way, and wanting to be around Christians who live this way, is that I realize it is often the family of Christ who encourages a love for the world. Who encourages those subtle choices that elevate ourselves above the purposes of Christ. An insecure girl who wants to get breast implants and friends or family say, "sure, if it'll make you feel better about yourself, go for it!" instead of reassuring her of who Christ created her to be and how unimportant our physical bodies are in light of Christ. That these bodies are temporary and imperfect and not where we find our worth (and yes, I'm still trying to learn this). Or when someone wants to skip out on a friend or ministry opportunity with someone who doesn't know Christ so they can do something with their friends, or get extra sleep, and we say, "yeah, you deserve some rest and fun". And yes, at times this is needed, but in general, why don't we remind them who and what they are living for and what truly matters, and that giving up one evening of fun could mean a changed life?
Or when someone wants to go live in a dangerous area to preach the gospel and make Christ known and parents or family say, "no, don't go, that's dangerous. You could die, or be hurt." Instead of saying "yes, go, God will take care of you. And if he doesn't, you're living for eternity and not this world" Or personally, when I choose to go to the beach or take a weekend vacation to simply enjoy the pleasures this beautiful world offers, when I ignored the thought of going to spend the day with a friend in Hollywood who lives on the streets and doesn't know God's love. When I get to heaven, will I be happy I made the choices I made?
Chan repeats Paul and then continues "'their God is their belly'. I'm gonna eat that and buy that...God's not your God. You don't buy the things that God wants you to buy...you say the things you want to say, cuz you're your own God. So if you desire that you're gonna get it and you'll find a way to justify it biblically. But you know you're not praying before those decisions: "should I do this? Should I pursue her? Should I watch that movie?" cuz no, you just do what you want...the cross was all about denial... not really want I'm hungering for right now...
'They glory in their shame'. They show off things they should be ashamed of. We're so proud of some possession we have, he says "you should be ashamed of this". They just want to glory in these things, "oh, look at this surgery I had done, look at how i look now." you're proud of that? you should be ashamed of that. You're glorying in things you should be ashamed of, their things of the earth. you're proud of it?...your mind is set on earthly things." ouch.
As Paul says, "not that I have already attained this". I am just starting to think about this and have already made selfish choices today since hearing this. I've already put myself and this world ahead of my First Love and my real home. I'm not sure exactly what it looks like for me to change and live correctly, but I think it starts with moment to moment decisions that put eternity above my life here and now and "training" myself in that way, so that I can run the race to win the prize.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Trials and Foolishness
This morning during our Marketing department's prayer time, our discussion led to ways that we're reassessing how we do business; what "ministry effectiveness" really means (part of our mission statement). The credit union has always relied on what we do well, like financing, that makes business easy for us. But in this time of economic crisis, we have to step back, re-evaluate and begin looking at things like customer needs, ministry effectiveness, and how to approach business in entirely new ways. Which in turn will allow us to serve better and to be a better ministry to ministries.
This topic led to how difficulties (such as being laid-off, as so many around the country are right now), can be an opportunity to experience God in new ways, to re-evaluate life, etc.
What inspired me to write this post was that, as I returned from lunch and walked into our galley to put my leftover lunch back into the refrigerator, I walked past our Communications and PR manager (who had led our prayer meeting this morning), and another man from our Participations department. "How are you? How's your family?" He asked my the PR manager, Jac, enthusitically. "My son got laid off from his job a week ago," he replied. Immediately and in his deep, thundering voice, the other man set his hand on Jac's shoulder and replied, "Praise God! Isn't that great that He loves him so much that he allowed this crisis in his life to bring him closer to God?" I was walking away at that point, and couldn't see his face but could hear the smile as he spoke. I couldn't help but smile, even laugh a little.
As a Christian, I loved hearing this immediate response of joy in recognizing that those hard times, while not diminishing their difficulty, bring us closer to God and give us time to lean on him and know him better. And that is something to praise him for, not just whine about the frustrating circumstances. But if I were a non-believer, I would think these two men were delusional, irrational, and probably in denial.
What fascinated me further was the context I had for the conversation. Besides prayer this morning, my reading in 1 & 2 Corinthians lately has addressed all of this:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer....8We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."
And: "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God."
Suffering and trials produce dependence on God and opportunity be comforted by him - therefore leading to a greater experience of his love and power - which allow opportunities to comfort others, which brings them peace and salvation. To those who are perishing, to rejoice in suffering is foolishness. And that's okay. Because to those who are being saved, it is here that we find hope, peace and the experiential knowledge of God's power.
This topic led to how difficulties (such as being laid-off, as so many around the country are right now), can be an opportunity to experience God in new ways, to re-evaluate life, etc.
What inspired me to write this post was that, as I returned from lunch and walked into our galley to put my leftover lunch back into the refrigerator, I walked past our Communications and PR manager (who had led our prayer meeting this morning), and another man from our Participations department. "How are you? How's your family?" He asked my the PR manager, Jac, enthusitically. "My son got laid off from his job a week ago," he replied. Immediately and in his deep, thundering voice, the other man set his hand on Jac's shoulder and replied, "Praise God! Isn't that great that He loves him so much that he allowed this crisis in his life to bring him closer to God?" I was walking away at that point, and couldn't see his face but could hear the smile as he spoke. I couldn't help but smile, even laugh a little.
As a Christian, I loved hearing this immediate response of joy in recognizing that those hard times, while not diminishing their difficulty, bring us closer to God and give us time to lean on him and know him better. And that is something to praise him for, not just whine about the frustrating circumstances. But if I were a non-believer, I would think these two men were delusional, irrational, and probably in denial.
What fascinated me further was the context I had for the conversation. Besides prayer this morning, my reading in 1 & 2 Corinthians lately has addressed all of this:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer....8We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."
And: "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God."
Suffering and trials produce dependence on God and opportunity be comforted by him - therefore leading to a greater experience of his love and power - which allow opportunities to comfort others, which brings them peace and salvation. To those who are perishing, to rejoice in suffering is foolishness. And that's okay. Because to those who are being saved, it is here that we find hope, peace and the experiential knowledge of God's power.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Christmas Reflections
The long-anticipated morning was so close, just a few hours before the kids would go to bed and wake up to warm, cozy house filled with cheery sounds of Christmas music floating up into their rooms as they arose. Their sleep would be cut short, too excited by the prospects of the presents that awaited them downstairs beneath their tree.
It was finally Christmas Eve, and every year after church service, a nice dinner, and watching Scrooge, the kids woul put on their pajamas and scurry down to the basement to begin bringing beautifully wrapped Christmas presents up to place under the glowing Christmas tree in the family room. The family would wrap and store the presents downstairs, where the dog couldn't get to them, until the last minute on Christmas eve. The three kids would excitedly carry them all upstairs, checking the tags to see which presents were for them and mentally tallying who had the most. Guesses about what was inside ran through their heads as they carried each one up and placed it under the tree, the stack growing larger and larger. They laughed and joked and squealed with joy as they anticipated what they would find inside the next morning, discover who had given them what, and think about having all day to play with their new treasures.
But maybe the most exciting was that, when those final presents had been set under the tree, and the kids had all surveyed how much was there and went to bed wondering how many hours it would take them this year to get through all of the presents, was that they all knew in the morning there would be even more. Their mom would be up late wrapping more presents she hadn't had time to wrap yet, as she did every year, and then their parents would top off their stockings with little gifts and treats, and finally place "Santa presents" among the piles - unwrapped gifts to start their morning of quickly before they dug into the rest of the boxes. So even though they'd seen what was sitting beneath the tree when they went to bed, they would wake up to many new surprises. They'd get out of bed, wait for their parents to finish preparing everything as always - a fully set breakfast table, lights on the tree, music playing, stockings about to burst, a mounds of glorious presents all wrapped differently with love and care. Their parents would be waiting for them with the cameras to capture their thrilled looks and bliss as the bright lights and beautiful colors around the family room captured their gaze; and as their eyes began to settle on the "Santa presents" with shouts and squeals of excitement while their dreams were finally fulfilled....
This is how I've grown up knowing Christmas to be. It's always been one of the best times of the year, if not the very best. My family's Christmas is steeped in tradition, practically every part of the day and Christmas Eve marked out the same way each year. And we were blessed financially, always enough money to give us just about all of our heart's desires. The presents always stacked up more and more each year, and we would rejoice if our present-opening time took an hour longer than the previous year. We wanted to stretch out that day as long as possible. And of course we knew it was about Jesus. Along with the presents, we always went to church, spent time as a family caroling, reading the Christmas story, praying together, and usually reading a book or sharing a story that had someone in tears. When we went to bed, we had done so after worshipping and knowing what the season was about. But before we were even asleep, our minds were already set on the stuff we would get the next day...wondering how much of our Christmas list was fulfilled. And I actually remember multiple years that I now recall with embarassment; years that I didn't get a certain gift I had really wanted, and that after all the presents had been opened and I realized I didn't get exactly what I'd asked for, I felt bitter and pouty. It just about makes me sick to think about now, how grateful I should have been and wasn't so many of those years. How bad I feel for my mom who poured hours and so much energy into making the day great for us, and I acted to spoiled to even appreciate it, probably just making her feel bad. Still, those Christmases were always so special, filled with so much love and joy and wonderful family time...they're some of my very best memories.
But finally in the last few years I've started to get it. As traditions that I so tightly held onto have changed with spouses and kids and natural change, I've been forced to let go of what I have always known Christmas to be.With the help of church and life circumstances and maturity, I've taken some time and space and deliberate thought to actually prepare for the season. Not in a material sense, but in a spiritual way. It's taken me many years, but I'm kind of starting over and looking at Christmas the way it should be seen. About worship, about God and the gift of his son, about us giving gifts back to Him in honor and praise, and not about me or stuff or what I think the day should be. I don't have a family yet, but I consider how I'll celebrate it with my kids when I have them - will we give each other many presents? Will we serve others? How do I make is special and warm and full of delight and memories for them without doing it for the wrong reasons?
I watched a video on www.adventconspiracy.com this year, which wrapped up how I was feeling about things. Why do I stress so much and spend so much money to find perfect gifts for everyone and let the season go by without taking time for people, and time for Jesus many years? It seems totally backwards. And this website is dealing with just that issue. Give presence, not presents. Give money away to help the hungry, needy, poor, lonely...not give more stuff to those who are already rich. As our pastor reminded us this weekend, if you own a car you're in the top 8% of wealth in the world. Do we really need to give each other more stuff? Is that what Jesus' birth was about? Did the wise men give gifts to each other? Did Jesus come so we could have a day to give and receive more things that won't last? Yes, it's a great time to be with family, a time to show you care and are thinking about each other through giving to one another. But I think this video sums up all that I really want to say about it. I want to change the way I do Christmas - give less stuff, give more time, and give the money I've saved to those who really need it. Use this time to use our blessings to be a blessing, as God has intended.
So to steal more ideas from this video in lack of my own brilliance, I'll end this post with their quote:
Spend less on gifts
Give more presence
Love like Jesus
Merry Christmas :)
It was finally Christmas Eve, and every year after church service, a nice dinner, and watching Scrooge, the kids woul put on their pajamas and scurry down to the basement to begin bringing beautifully wrapped Christmas presents up to place under the glowing Christmas tree in the family room. The family would wrap and store the presents downstairs, where the dog couldn't get to them, until the last minute on Christmas eve. The three kids would excitedly carry them all upstairs, checking the tags to see which presents were for them and mentally tallying who had the most. Guesses about what was inside ran through their heads as they carried each one up and placed it under the tree, the stack growing larger and larger. They laughed and joked and squealed with joy as they anticipated what they would find inside the next morning, discover who had given them what, and think about having all day to play with their new treasures.
But maybe the most exciting was that, when those final presents had been set under the tree, and the kids had all surveyed how much was there and went to bed wondering how many hours it would take them this year to get through all of the presents, was that they all knew in the morning there would be even more. Their mom would be up late wrapping more presents she hadn't had time to wrap yet, as she did every year, and then their parents would top off their stockings with little gifts and treats, and finally place "Santa presents" among the piles - unwrapped gifts to start their morning of quickly before they dug into the rest of the boxes. So even though they'd seen what was sitting beneath the tree when they went to bed, they would wake up to many new surprises. They'd get out of bed, wait for their parents to finish preparing everything as always - a fully set breakfast table, lights on the tree, music playing, stockings about to burst, a mounds of glorious presents all wrapped differently with love and care. Their parents would be waiting for them with the cameras to capture their thrilled looks and bliss as the bright lights and beautiful colors around the family room captured their gaze; and as their eyes began to settle on the "Santa presents" with shouts and squeals of excitement while their dreams were finally fulfilled....
This is how I've grown up knowing Christmas to be. It's always been one of the best times of the year, if not the very best. My family's Christmas is steeped in tradition, practically every part of the day and Christmas Eve marked out the same way each year. And we were blessed financially, always enough money to give us just about all of our heart's desires. The presents always stacked up more and more each year, and we would rejoice if our present-opening time took an hour longer than the previous year. We wanted to stretch out that day as long as possible. And of course we knew it was about Jesus. Along with the presents, we always went to church, spent time as a family caroling, reading the Christmas story, praying together, and usually reading a book or sharing a story that had someone in tears. When we went to bed, we had done so after worshipping and knowing what the season was about. But before we were even asleep, our minds were already set on the stuff we would get the next day...wondering how much of our Christmas list was fulfilled. And I actually remember multiple years that I now recall with embarassment; years that I didn't get a certain gift I had really wanted, and that after all the presents had been opened and I realized I didn't get exactly what I'd asked for, I felt bitter and pouty. It just about makes me sick to think about now, how grateful I should have been and wasn't so many of those years. How bad I feel for my mom who poured hours and so much energy into making the day great for us, and I acted to spoiled to even appreciate it, probably just making her feel bad. Still, those Christmases were always so special, filled with so much love and joy and wonderful family time...they're some of my very best memories.
But finally in the last few years I've started to get it. As traditions that I so tightly held onto have changed with spouses and kids and natural change, I've been forced to let go of what I have always known Christmas to be.With the help of church and life circumstances and maturity, I've taken some time and space and deliberate thought to actually prepare for the season. Not in a material sense, but in a spiritual way. It's taken me many years, but I'm kind of starting over and looking at Christmas the way it should be seen. About worship, about God and the gift of his son, about us giving gifts back to Him in honor and praise, and not about me or stuff or what I think the day should be. I don't have a family yet, but I consider how I'll celebrate it with my kids when I have them - will we give each other many presents? Will we serve others? How do I make is special and warm and full of delight and memories for them without doing it for the wrong reasons?
I watched a video on www.adventconspiracy.com this year, which wrapped up how I was feeling about things. Why do I stress so much and spend so much money to find perfect gifts for everyone and let the season go by without taking time for people, and time for Jesus many years? It seems totally backwards. And this website is dealing with just that issue. Give presence, not presents. Give money away to help the hungry, needy, poor, lonely...not give more stuff to those who are already rich. As our pastor reminded us this weekend, if you own a car you're in the top 8% of wealth in the world. Do we really need to give each other more stuff? Is that what Jesus' birth was about? Did the wise men give gifts to each other? Did Jesus come so we could have a day to give and receive more things that won't last? Yes, it's a great time to be with family, a time to show you care and are thinking about each other through giving to one another. But I think this video sums up all that I really want to say about it. I want to change the way I do Christmas - give less stuff, give more time, and give the money I've saved to those who really need it. Use this time to use our blessings to be a blessing, as God has intended.
So to steal more ideas from this video in lack of my own brilliance, I'll end this post with their quote:
Spend less on gifts
Give more presence
Love like Jesus
Merry Christmas :)
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