Sunday, August 19, 2007

Tales of Surfing #2

It has now been several weeks since my first post about learning to surf and my sad attempts at balancing on a board and popping up. But oh yes, now I can almost wear that “Surfer Girl” shirt proudly.

Today was one of those memorable days, another blessing from God in its simplicity. Amazingly, the sun was just beginning to peak through the clouds hovering about the calm waters of Newport, just as we hit the sand with surfboards under our arms. As the water touched our feet, we were shocked at its warmth. We stared at the ridiculously calm water, wondering how we were going to do much surfing on what more closely resembled a lake. But we headed in, with a wide open space out in front of us, for once not packed with other surfers. It slowly turned into, what in my opinion, was a perfect surf day. Frequent sets of waves, but small enough to actually attempt to catch and not just be pulled down underneath and sent tumbling along the shell-laden sand beneath us. (Although I had my share of those moments as well and many underwater somersaults). The warm sun had quickly broken free from the clouds and we were surrounded by carefully lapping waves, shiny waters reflecting the sun and a view of golden sand stretched out in front of us.

Early in our day, we were visited by dolphins close enough to see the tops of their bodies come out of the water from time to time as we sat on our surboards, feet dangling in the waters below as we waited for waves. They revisited our surfing community throughout the morning, provoking smiles and excited shouts from all of us in the water who were close enough to swim to them.

Of course, even better than this was the fact that a few hours in I actually caught waves! And not only stood on the board, but actually rode them in before falling. Our favorite was the wave that both Maceo and I caught and rode next to each other, my scream of delight totally out of place among the experienced, manly surfers out with us. I knew at some point it would click, just as popping up. Yes, “Big Red” as the well the long-board and I finally bonded, instead of it just hitting me repeatedly, dragging me under waves and attacking me with its leash as is the normal pattern of behavior. We climbed on top of the rolling waves together, being pushed in to the shore, where I would fall off backwards into the water when the wave stopped, just as I have watched so many surfers do.

I finally had momentum to keep going and keep practicing, keep paddling like crazy with my tired arms each time a wave would come. The sun was out full-force, Maceo and I both wishing we had just worn rash guards and board shorts, instead of the wetsuits that were now almost too warm to wear.

As we chatted and hung out on our boards in between waves, we watched the hundreds of tiny silver fish below us, that from time to time would jump out of the water in groups. Which also made for the freakiest part of my day. We always joke about the fish jumping out and how we could have some sushi if they jumped over our boards. Unfortunately this time they actually did jump over my board, as I laid down staring out at the water in front of me, a group of them dove over my board as I screamed and dove off my board, trying to avoid them, then climbed back on quickly hoping none would touch my feet. And of course there was the pelican that kept landing in the water in search of fish, so large that I kept thinking it was a surfer or part of some other creature.

I don’t think there is anyone who could convince me that this is not one of the best experiences in the world. To start the day early when few people are out yet, and to spend hours in the midst of God’s beautiful creation. The calm sounds of waves and moving water surrounding you as you lay on top of it, warmed by sun and the sights of unique homes, piers, jettys and Lifeguard towers; families and friends dotting the long spread of glimmering sand and people out enjoying nature and activity; the beauty and calm that God created even among one of the most powerful forces in nature; the ability to laugh and goof around and learn something new even among waters that on the right day or time could cause serious injury; and constantly surprised by creations of His hand like dolphins and fish and birds. A place which requires no money, no perfect outfit, no make-up, only one piece of equipment, allows for total freedom and expresses so much beauty.

I always knew I was a beach-girl at heart, and while some may not appreciate living in California, I thank God every Saturday that he allows me the pleasures of the beach and the ability to visit anytime I want!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Older

"Waited all my life for this day to come
I feel like letting go
Life goes on.
Wasting no more time
So much to be done.
Everything works out
So they say
Over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
Yeah, yeah

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore
Shades of gray and I feel a weight over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder
It's kinda tough getting older

Here before my eyes
Many roads ahead
Time for me to choose one way now.
If I take a chance
What lies down the road
Feeling so confused
Turned around
On and on
On and on
Yeah, yeah

Waited all my life for this day to come
I feel like letting go
Life goes on
Over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
Yeah, yeah'

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore
Shades of gray and I feel a weight over my shoulder
It's tough getting older"

-Lyrics by Colbie Caillat

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Paradoxical Worlds

We seem to live in a world of two dimensions, of being in 2 places in once. Not physically per se, but spiritually, emotionally, mentally.

I just came from an afternoon with one of my best friends, who coincidentally is my ex-boyfriend. Over the past few months, I have lived in a parallel universe of pain and joy. Loss, rejection, fear, depression, pain, anxiety – that is the one world which resulted from our breaking up. Yet each day I get up and pray and thank God for my day. I cover my face in make-up and dress in nice clothes and go to an office with a smile on my face and when people ask me how I am, generally reply, “Good, how are you?” without even thinking about it. And some days that’s the honest answer…other days I say it with a twinge of hope and the desire to conceal the hurt that lies underneath. Sometimes I feel the need to pretend, while other days I simply want to believe that, and by saying, “Good! How are you?” gives me a few seconds of feeling like everything is ok. And I know that many others are doing the same…we put on facades of everything being ok, living in a world of “good” and smiles and laughter, while our heart lives in a world of pain.

Yet some days I really do feel good. Some days I feel pleasure in small delights, in God’s hand of blessing, and in Him growing me. I rejoice in my friends, in a good job, in the sunshine and the outdoors, in the laughter and peace that comes from swinging at a park like when I was 10 years old. Some days I sense God’s presence and find joy in realizing he is giving me new dreams and desires and I nearly explode with excitement and anticipation of all that I could do, all the ways he could use me. I can go to bed crying one night, and be overwhelmed with peace the next morning. This is one of my two-dimensional worlds that I live in; Pain and Joy.

This morning I was first struck with this idea of having two lives, living in two-dimensions. On Thursday night I went down to minister in Hollywood as I do every week. Here, drugs are rampant, they are a known cure for covering pain and staying awake to avoid having to fall asleep on the street. Transvestites are absolutely normal, prostitution is an accepted form of making money, homosexuality is more common than heterosexuality, sex and alcohol and clubs and staying up on the streets until 3 in the morning or later is life as usual. Being in and out of prison is a common occurrence, homeless people are a typical sight on the street, violence, bad relationships, drama and poverty are a way of life.

This past week I found out that one person in particular, a young transvestite prostitute who I had so badly wanted to get to know and show Christ’s love to was murdered before any of us had the chance. I’m guessing there aren’t many people who will miss him….and that whoever so brutally murdered him will probably get away with it…and that this type of crime probably happens from time to time, though you won’t ever see it on the news or in a newspaper…you won’t even see a funeral being held. And yet all I have to do is drive 20-30 minutes and I’m back in Orange County, where I generally feel safe, where a transvestite would look terribly out of place, where street-sweepers keep our streets clean once a week. You don’t hear about murder around here too often, or see many homeless people, or even see people walking very often because everyone drives a car and affords gas. Here the biggest worry is what brand of jeans you wear or how big your paycheck is or if you’re driving the coolest new car.
I observe one lifestyle on Thursday nights, and am back in my comfortable bed on Friday mornings. Weekends I spend at the beach, in God’s amazing beauty, having fun and laughing and eating and watching people ride bikes and walk dogs and sit on the patios of their multi-million dollar beach-front houses. And if I so choose, I can forget that someone I knew went to spend eternity with Satan this week. How strange is that?

And as I thought about these paradoxical worlds, I thought about how this all relates to God. Since the fall, we live in a world that is not our home, that God never intended for us for eternity. We are to live as strangers in this world, knowing that we belong in Heaven and not on this earth. And so here, we also live in 2 worlds. One that enjoys the life given to us here on earth, but that is so full of sin and destruction that it always leaves us longing for eternity with our creator. Our lives here are but a mist, a vapor, because while we live here, our hearts are focused on Heaven and the joy that God has planned for us for all of eternity.

So I guess it’s okay that we live experiencing so many things at once, that our hearts are in different places at once, that we cry and laugh in one day, that we are content and still experience longing in one day, that 20 minutes can transport us to an entirely different lifestyle. God placed us in one world with a longing for another, and in this world that lets us experience contradicting emotions and desires and countless paradoxes. I’m just happy to know that one day it will all make sense, one day all we will do is worship and rejoice.