2007

I don't get God. I don't understand how something I can't see gives me peace. Or comfort or hope. I've never seen God, I've never heard his audible voice. Yet I've seen him, heard him, and been moved by him. It completely baffles me...sometimes I feel like I'm crazy, maybe it's just a weird idea I live with to make life seem easier. But He turns things upside down. Bad becomes good, and good becomes bad...depression becomes joy and joy turns to service and humility and humility makes me happier than being proud. It's very strange, but it's true. I've seen it this past year of my life like never before.

I was reflecting recently on 2007, being that it is the start of the new year and that's what we're supposed to do. Emotionally, it was one of the worst seasons of my life. And yet as I look back on it, it's been the very best year of my almost 25 years. That's what God does. I lost something that I thought was so important to me, that I thought was so valuable. But God gives and He takes away...and to that I say: blessed be the name of the Lord. He used someone in my life for almost 2 years to show me more of who He is. And then he wanted to show me more and give me greater joy and blessing, so he took it away. And in being lowered, I was lifted up. My eyes were opened to the world and all of its experiencse and opportunities. I learned to love God more, and experienced fellowship and community...and those both fall under the two greatest commandments that God has for us.

God flipped the tables as he so often does...and by losing some control, letting go of a treasure, he opened my eyes to his wonders anew. This year I chose two ways to deal with the hurt, confusion, frustration and loss. God - and a deeper pursuit of him, and life - new experiences and a greater joy in people. I found deep satisfaction in learning new things and tasting and seeing more of what this blessed life has to offer. I learned how to surf, I spent more time at the beach, I learned ballroom dancing, I worked out harder, I went out dancing, attended amazing concerts, started doing ministry on the streets, learned guitar, began writing more and hearing people's stories, went swing-dancing, made new friends, had dinners with various people, and so much more. I saw God in all of these places, awakening my senses to all that is around me that I had missed before.

And in pursuing God deeper, I came to a greater understanding of who he is and what he desires for me. I learned to love God, not for his blessings, but for who He is. I came to appreciate sacrifice and pain because it brings me closer to him and increases my dependence on God. And through it all, he gave me greater compassion for others, a heart for the hurting and poor in spirit, a desire to help, a love for people, and a vision for my future...which I haven't had in quite some time. I feel like I've never been so near to God, and that is the best part of this year. And I've never been so close to my Christian community, and that is the second best part. And still, God has given me so many other blessings through family, friends, work, experiences, lessons learned.

I could probably go on and on about the details...although much of it is captured previously in my blogs. But I'll simply say that God is good, that he makes all things new and turns everything upside down in order to bring him glory. And being a part of that has brought me more joy than anything else in this life. Living in surrender to him and his plans, and releasing the grasp on my own life and dreams is the best way I have ever lived, and I look forward to seeing what he has to teach me in 2008!