What is your name?

"What is your name?"

Jesus asks this to a demon possessed man in the book of Mark. Lately, I have been pondering the questions that Jesus asks in the gospels. Why does he ask them? What is he getting at? And how would I respond?

In bible times names meant something, stood for something. They weren't randomly chosen names that sounded cool to the parents giving the name. In part, they defined a person or something about them.

So why does Jesus ask this? He already knows the man's name. he man responds that his name is Legion, because he is possessed by so many demons. But that's not his birth-given name, that's not who he really is. But now that defines him. It's who he's become and what gives him his identity. He's completely controlled by demons, so that is how he sees himself and how others view him as well.

I considered this question, wondering how I would respond. What is my name? How do I see and define myself? We all seem to have some sort of facade, some "name" the defines how we see ourselves. When I meet people on the streets of Hollywood, I will be looking a male in the face (though he's probably dressed in women's clothing) and hear him tell me his name is "Peaches" or "Crystal". Clearly, that's not his real name. But it's the identity he's taken upon himself, how he wants clients and other prostitutes to see and understand him. He feels more like a woman than a man, and so he's created an identity to align with that. Or I meet drug dealers or homeless men going by "Red" or "Shadow Warrior" or some other creative street name. Again, they weren't given these names, but it's how they want to be seen now and an identity they've either created or taken on during their time on the streets.

In Paul's letters to the early church he generally identifies himself in the beginning, not just as Paul but with a description like, "a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ" or "chosen to be an Apostle"...or for John it was "the disciple whom Jesus loved."

'So', I thought, 'if I were asked that question, what would my response be?' Is my initial, instinctive answer, "daughter of God" or "servant of Christ" or "a child that is loved by God"? Honestly, no. I think my first response, especially if wanting to define myself to someone, would be, a daughter and sister, a marketing professional, a health and fitness enthusiast, someone in leadership in ministry, an employee for my brother's company, a Christian, a friend. These things define who I am, what I do, what's important to me, they give me value - regardless of whether or not they should. I see myself in light of these roles, and want others to recognize those as well. As I considered my identity and "name", even though I knew the correct, Sunday school answer would be "child of God" or something along those lines, I was troubled by the honest answer. Yes, my identity in Christ is huge for me, it's shapes me and the way I live. But is that the only thing that gives me my worth and defines me? Why isn't my first and most important answer, "servant of Christ", "woman that God loves" my 100% honest, initial answer? Is that enough for me, or am I seeking so much significance and validity in my other roles that I feel the need to tack those on to my identity as God's child? Why isn't it enough for me to say that I belong to God without claiming my importance in the gifts and roles he's blessed me with. Am I more wrapped up in those things that I see myself through the lens of what I do, rather than who Christ says I am?Am I serving those areas of my life more than I'm serving Christ?

I don't really have all of the answers to those questions at this point. But I know they're worth asking and dwelling on until I find more answers. Because I want to be so sold out and obsessed with Christ and his kingdom-building that my natural response is, "I'm a servant of Christ. I'm Holly, which means, 'Holy One'." I'm holy because God has made me holy through his son. I'm a saint and a bearer of His name and good news, and that's all that matters."

Where these questions lead, and how to get to the point of finding my entire identity in who God says I am...I don't really know yet. But it's something worth thinking about, day after day, until I figure it out..or get as close as I can to figuring it out.