Irreconcilable Differences

"In the United States it can be one ground, often they are used as justification for a no-fault divorce. Any sort of difference between the two parties that either cannot be changed or the individual does not want to make the change can be considered irreconcilable differences."

Irreconcilable Differences….what does that mean? Why is it that hundreds, maybe thousands of people, break their wedding vows and use the lame excuse of irreconcilable differences? Did God say: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate….unless they have differences that they just can’t resolve".

I often wonder what this means, as you hear this as the basis for so many celebrity divorces. Britney and Kevin, Nick and Jessica, Elizabeth and Hugh….What was so hard that they couldn’t fix or work through? Or did they just lose “that loving feeling” and are out to find it again in someone else?

I find it very interesting that part of this definition states: “or the individual does not want to make the change”. Wow, really? I mean, ok, if your husband wants you to become a porn star, or the wife wants her husband to be a drag queen (I mean, what girl doesn’t want that?) then okay, maybe those are things you shouldn’t want to change. And I’m not exactly sure what God would have to say about that, either. And yes, there are some terms for which divorce may be the best answer….physical abuse or a partner that can’t stay faithful…then divorce may have potential. After all, a relationship is intended to glorify God.

But if one person just doesn’t want to change…I just don’t understand that. There may be things that are hard to change, or take time and willingness…but for someone to simply say they don’t want to make a change, and therefore their own personal comfort and happiness is more important than keeping a bond together that God has formed…. It’s a bit of a mystery to me. I guess we all have a tendency to think that we are right, and we want everyone else to think and act like us. Or God has revealed something to us, and we assume that anyone who hasn’t had that revealed to them is worse than us?

Marriage is supposed to reflect the relationship of God to the Church. Does God just give up on the church, and stop trying to work with it? Does the church just say, “I’m over it God. This is too hard and I just don’t want to change to be more like you. Peace out!” Well, I guess lots of people do that, but hopefully the church as a whole doesn’t. We constantly strive to be more like him; and we fail, oh yes we fail miserably. But God waits and he helps us with his Holy Spirit, and slowly that change happens. And sometimes there are consequences to our failures, but God still loves us, he still chooses us.

So are there really differences that can’t be overcome? I guess if at least one or both of the people involved just don’t want to put in the effort necessary to overcome them, then yes, it’s possible. After all, God created us all very differently. But I would like to think that just as God demonstrates his love and faithfulness and abounding grace in our lives, that we can live our relationships in accordance with that model.